A comment in response to,
Hello Maryanne,Wow! It must have been really confusing for you too. Thanks for putting it down in words. Between a man and a woman, the most important thing that people often forget is that it's all about what brings the two people together. If your family, friends, relatives, employers, your profession etc. decide your identity, who you are and who you are with, then it becomes hard for you to be in a grown up, mature and loving adult relationship. It's alright to relate to these people, situations and changing circumstances but make sure you do let them value your own individuality. Don't loose it or compromise it ever, at any cost. It is a gift, a blessing and something worthy of respect and dignity. Whether it's your family, friends, colleagues or business associates, it's great to be people centric and the best way to do that is to start by finding balance and peace with the knowledge of who you are, where you came from and which way you're headed. People come and people go, situations change but the one person you'll always have to deal with is 'You'. The moment you decide to become a complete and whole person by yourself, content and happy with the realization and knowledge of you are is when you step into real adulthood. This is when you can recognize appreciate, grow with and love another person just the way they are. The moment you decide to become fully responsible for your own happiness, choices and their consequences, is when you start living as an adult. In today's dysfunctional society many really don't reach that stage of maturity even in their late thirties, forties and fifties. Some get stuck in a phase may be as a result of certain habits, a nice comfort zone they never risk stepping out of, never having to dive into struggles or critical challenges on their own and several other dependencies. It might be emotional, physical, psychological, societal pressures and commitments or otherwise. You need to find that inner peace and comfort zone within your self. Take affirmative steps towards being more self sufficient and self reliant. If you can do these things then you can truly get to share and exchange both the joys and sorrows of your experience with that special someone. You pool in your resources and complement the other person to become a stronger and more mutually supportive couple. And now you can exchange your vows, get married and have kids cause you deserve to, you worked hard for it and you have what it takes to give and provide for your future children and support a family of your own. See how the pigeons and sparrows seem to be going about it. They seem more responsible and successful than some of the people I know. As people go through tough experiences in life and mature, they soon tend to develop habits such as tolerance, patience and understanding for others and their partner in particular, as a result of how they dealt with and overcame it in their own lives. We tend to get a better grip on the fact that we're never perfect, we make mistakes, we all have issues and it's all Ok, cause life is about dealing with the lessons and learning from them. Use your free will for positive and mature progressions. These can have both material and spiritual over tones. Never let your reactions and responses that come in haste or as a result of internal and external unresolved issues, passions or ignorance throw your life in the wrong direction. Abusing your free will can lead to many dead ends in life. Dead end relationships, dead end jobs, dead end careers and a dead end Karma with a ticket waiting for you to attend the next screening of your life. Instead find you inner balance, study and steady your emotions, passions and faculties, identify your true purpose in life by realizing and discovering the worth and the value of your soul. Let this knowledge be a reference that guides your free will, thoughts, faith, actions and choices in the right direction, parallel and aligned towards your destiny. There are always many alternative paths to get there. The fastest and shortest way is what is known as following your Destiny. You may consult, divine and choose other paths but make sure that they're parallel. If not, you can always follow the crowd or go off on a whimsical tangent and be content with the knowledge that you made your choices albeit the wrong ones that were impressed upon you. Mimicking the choices and convictions of others does your purpose in life no good. Gifted as we are, not all of us have the means or gifts of divination, intuition, sharp instincts or uncanny reflexes in thinking and affirmative actions. But it's important even for Run away brides to find the inner strength to acknowledge and build a relationship with themselves and with the higher source of life before they consider wedding bells and dream of that blessed day in a Church. We live in a world full of imperfections, it's alright because they are there by design and serve a useful purpose. Internalize this and accept your imperfections, this way you'll develop a great deal of tolerance and compassion for the people around you including the 'would be husband' you fooled around with. Life is characterized by external, internal and spiritual growth, this is how you facilitate it.
P.S - There is a reason why they call it 'Will Power' . To quote from that spider man movie ' With great powers comes great responsibilities'. Your free will didn't come with an owner's manual and neither did your life. Be responsible and you'll grow up to enjoy both to the fullest.
Love , Peace and Blessings- Jai Krishna Ponnappan :)